My family leave from work is dwindling down. I now have less than a month until I go back to work. I try not to think about it...it makes me sad. When we first came home, I was so overwhelmed with all the changes in my life and Jay-R's meltdowns, that I thought going back to work couldn't come soon enough. Now, that we have been home for over a month and he is adjusting well, I am sad about going back to work. I have mixed emotions. I love my co-workers and I miss the social and adult interaction from work. I also love my job as an Activity Director in a nursing home. I love the residents and I love my job-it's different every day! And financially, we need my income. That being said, I have grown to love my new position as a temporary stay-at-home mom. I get to be relaxed in the morning and not feel like I'm rushing my daughter out the door so she can make it to school on time and I can make it to work on time. I'm home when she gets home from school, and I get to be involved with her soccer team. And, of course, I get to be home with Jay-R all day learning more about him every day. My love and attachment grows every day with him. It will be hard going from being home with him all day to spending only a few hours in the evening with him during the week. I have also realized I am more insecure as a parent with him than my daughter. What I mean by this is that my daughter knew from the moment of her birth, that I was her mother and I would protect her and love her. Jay-R has only known that I am his mother since October (in pictures) and in person since mid-March. He is still learning to trust and to know that I will be here for him always. There is no doubt in my mind that he knows I am his mother, but sometimes, when I think about the five years of his life I missed, it makes me sad. We are beginning to make many memories and he is learning what being part of a family is all about. I know when I go back to work, it will be so hard to not have all this time I have now. Our plan is daycare (which is his preschool) 3 days a week and lola (grandma) 2 days a week. We really feel he needs the daycare setting to help transition him before kindergarten. Even now, it kind of bothers me when other people are holding him. I know it is healthy for him to bond with other people and by all means, I encourage this, but I always feel a sense of relief when he is back in my arms, his arms around my neck, and saying, "I love you Mommy". Being a mother is hard...trying to balance work, children, spouse, and your own sense of identity. I was able to work only part-time until my daughter started school and I loved having this time with her. And, I am thankful that I have been able to take this leave from work to have this time with him. In three months, he will be in kindergarten and our daughter will start jr. high. Children grow up too fast!
On a totally different note, Jay-R went to bed right at 9 tonight! Yeah! Hopefully the early drop off at preschool in the morning b/c I have a dr. apt. will go okay. He doesn't like the caregiver changes when they take bathroom or lunch breaks.
4 comments:
Hi Allison, I just discovered your blog and have been reading your journey. I want to thank you for sharing these things with others. You have a beautiful family! We are from Canada and have been accepted by the ICAB in March 2009 to adopt a child between the age of 2-4. We already have 3 beautiful children age 15, 12 and 7. We are all very eager to welcome our child from the Philippines. It is exciting to see how your son is adjusting so well to his new mom, dad and sister. This gives me a lot of encouragement as we pray that this will also be our situation. Your shared experience really helps the families who are currently waiting. Thank you!
Tammy,
deciding when to go back to work is such a tough decision for any parent...but I think as an adoptive mother, it's even more important! You want to provide financially for your family...but you also want to make sure sure the bonding and attachment process with your adoptive child isn't compromised. I think your personal preference is really important too, in the sense that as long as you're happy, healthy and positive and you're enjoying what you do, the members of your family will be happy and everything will work out! Good luck, and enjoy the time that you have left at home with Jay-R to the fullest!!
I can totally see how it will be difficult to leave Jay-R but how it will also feel good to return to the adult world. It is wonderful that he is attaching so well and your heart must melt when he tells you that he loves you. Like Amber said enjoy the rest of your time to the fullest!
I love reading your blog because we have so much in common, you are going to have to come visit some day. We have a big mall!! Anyway, we are starting that jr. high and kindergarten thing next year also, so I'm there with you. I've cut down my hours for next year, but would never be able to quit altogether because I love my job. I'm planning on you telling me how you "do it all" when you go back to work because I learn so much from you.
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