Friday night was a rough night in the Allison house. All was calm until around 11 pm when Jay-R awoke from his sleep. When I told him he had to go back to sleep in his bed, he broke into a full fledged temper fit that last quite a while. It was similar to a "just came home from the Philippines" adjustment temper fit. It came out of nowhere. He had went to bed so peacefully, and we had followed the regular routine. Finally, after it was all done, we had a talk about his feelings. I was able to get out of him that he was worried about me. I told Kory later in his 7 year old mind, he doesn't know the difference between a partial hysterectomy and a cancer diagnosis so he probably has been afraid whether I would be okay or not. Add to the fact that for the first 5 1/2 years of his life, he had no family to call his own. And, I certainly haven't been myself even before the surgery due to not feeling well. Of course, after the brief recovery time, I will be fine, but he has no way of knowing that. He has dealt with so many changes and losses in his life. Although I did not enjoy his late night temper fit and I was really tired, I was thankful and blessed to have had that conversation with my son-to see into his mind's eye a tiny fraction of his view of me and his fears. After much reassurance that I will be better soon and lots of goodnight hugs and kisses, he was ready to go back to sleep. Sometimes, it's hard to differentiate between adoption issues vs. developmental issues vs. fear issues. I just had a talk with my friend about her issues with her same age biological daughter. My thoughts are that sometimes the adoptions issues blur into the developmental issues but in the end, all that really matters isn't always the source or the reason behind the issue, but that my son, and daughter for that matter, feel assured, loved, safe, and secure. As a mom, I am blessed for the teaching moments even though they aren't always fun going through them!
