Emotional Breakthrough...

Friday night was a rough night in the Allison house. All was calm until around 11 pm when Jay-R awoke from his sleep. When I told him he had to go back to sleep in his bed, he broke into a full fledged temper fit that last quite a while. It was similar to a "just came home from the Philippines" adjustment temper fit. It came out of nowhere. He had went to bed so peacefully, and we had followed the regular routine. Finally, after it was all done, we had a talk about his feelings. I was able to get out of him that he was worried about me. I told Kory later in his 7 year old mind, he doesn't know the difference between a partial hysterectomy and a cancer diagnosis so he probably has been afraid whether I would be okay or not. Add to the fact that for the first 5 1/2 years of his life, he had no family to call his own. And, I certainly haven't been myself even before the surgery due to not feeling well. Of course, after the brief recovery time, I will be fine, but he has no way of knowing that. He has dealt with so many changes and losses in his life. Although I did not enjoy his late night temper fit and I was really tired, I was thankful and blessed to have had that conversation with my son-to see into his mind's eye a tiny fraction of his view of me and his fears. After much reassurance that I will be better soon and lots of goodnight hugs and kisses, he was ready to go back to sleep. Sometimes, it's hard to differentiate between adoption issues vs. developmental issues vs. fear issues. I just had a talk with my friend about her issues with her same age biological daughter. My thoughts are that sometimes the adoptions issues blur into the developmental issues but in the end, all that really matters isn't always the source or the reason behind the issue, but that my son, and daughter for that matter, feel assured, loved, safe, and secure. As a mom, I am blessed for the teaching moments even though they aren't always fun going through them!

Boredom....

I have reached that point of boredom. Being off work on surgery recovery is not the same as being off work on a vacation day. I don't have the ability or the freedom to do as I want. I have a stack of books but I've already read 5 books. I am Facebooked out, tired of checking emails, and done all the research on Celiac disease that I care to do right now before I see the doctor Monday. I have a stack of movies to watch but I'm not really a TV person. I have to be really bored to watch TV. I am tired of sitting but yet like today when I went to the grocery store with my mom, I am sitting here tonight exhausted! (Don't worry...I promise I did no lifting, no pushing, nothing I am not allowed to do). So I guess, now, since my mind isn't feeling foggy anymore, I am going to dive into my novel I have been working on the past few years and hope that the creative juices start flowing. And all you bloggy friends, out there, I look forward to reading your weekend posts!

Holiday Pictures

Family photo at Christmas

O-H-I-O....need I say more?

The three girls...neice Kelsey, Leigh-Anne, our exchange student, and Ashleigh having fun at Christmas

Christmas Eve and all dressed up

Visiting Santa at the town depot...a Wauseon tradition

Anointed

Jay-R is having a hard time with me being down. He doesn't necessarily understand how much I hurt and how much pain I have. He understands on one level, but then when I can't do something with him I always have done, he is saddened. My first night home, I didn't even attempt the stairs. I could barley walk without pain. Last night, I decided I needed to go up to get some clothes so I took it slow. It went okay. So, at bedtime, I walked up the stairs to say goodnight prayers and tuck Jay-R in. I read him a short Bible bedtime story and then said prayers. After prayers, he got a sad look in his eyes and I saw them tearing up. I tried to reassure him I would be feeling better in a few days. He took his water bottle, put some water on his fingers, and leaned up to me. He anointed my forehead with water just like he sees our pastor anoint people with oil for healing at church. The faith of a child. I hugged him a long time and thanked God for both of my wonderful children. Ash has really been helping out extra with chores and with her brother. And, Kory has been a wonderful caretaker and is quick to tell me to sit down, don't do that, etc. I have been anointed and blessed with a wonderful family!

Home and Hurting

I've been out of touch with my bloggy world lately but hopefully I can begin to feel human again. I had my surgery yesterday, and I am home now. Hurting but home. There's the surgical pain and gas pain, but I know it will pass eventually. I had a robotic assisted partial hysterectomy ...it's amazing what medical technology can do. No more adenomyosis...no more pain. The doctor thinks I may also have Celiac's disease based on my other symptoms which means I will have to adopt a gluten free diet if I test positive for this. Hopefully, in the next few weeks, I will have answers and begin to feel better in 2011. In the meantime, I am looking forward to catching up with everyone's blogs!

Pain

People respond to pain in different ways. For Jay-R, the answer was to run. His dad took both him and his sister to the doctor tonight for their flu shots. Dad had his and then sis. When it was Jay-R's turn, Kory told me Jay-R decided the best thing to do, was to run. So, he ran down the hall away from the nurse with the needle. Kory went running after him and had to hold him down. Jay-R was not the least bit interested in getting a flu shot. I think the reaction has to do with a bad experience at the doctor's office shortly after he came home from the Philippines. I don't think he will ever forget the bad experience he had.

For me, my response to pain as been to sit in my recliner all night on my laptop. I have not had a good day-there has been a lot of pain. There are knife like pains that mirror labor pains and a dull, burning sort of pain that hasn't really let up all day. There are dishes that need done and a load of laundry to do but I lack motivation. So, I have been on the computer all night. I have managed to order pretty much the rest of my Christmas presents online so it was not a lost cause. I am looking forward to surgery next month. I know that sounds a little strange, but I long to be pain free. I try to keep it in perspective...I know there are others hurting so much more both physically and emotionally, but it's hard to look beyond your own pain sometimes when you are dealing with it day after day. I feel for those who live with pain and deal with it daily. At least I know there is light at the end of the tunnel for me.

"Mommy, how much did I cost?"

This was the question that was asked of me the other day while at lunch. Totally caught me off guard...no idea where that one came from. I laughed and told him a whole bunch, but he was worth every penny. I told him he didn't actually cost money but the adoption did, just like paying the hospital when a baby is born. He has been asking more here and there about his adoption. It's amazing how their little minds work.