Holiday Pictures

Family photo at Christmas

O-H-I-O....need I say more?

The three girls...neice Kelsey, Leigh-Anne, our exchange student, and Ashleigh having fun at Christmas

Christmas Eve and all dressed up

Visiting Santa at the town depot...a Wauseon tradition

Anointed

Jay-R is having a hard time with me being down. He doesn't necessarily understand how much I hurt and how much pain I have. He understands on one level, but then when I can't do something with him I always have done, he is saddened. My first night home, I didn't even attempt the stairs. I could barley walk without pain. Last night, I decided I needed to go up to get some clothes so I took it slow. It went okay. So, at bedtime, I walked up the stairs to say goodnight prayers and tuck Jay-R in. I read him a short Bible bedtime story and then said prayers. After prayers, he got a sad look in his eyes and I saw them tearing up. I tried to reassure him I would be feeling better in a few days. He took his water bottle, put some water on his fingers, and leaned up to me. He anointed my forehead with water just like he sees our pastor anoint people with oil for healing at church. The faith of a child. I hugged him a long time and thanked God for both of my wonderful children. Ash has really been helping out extra with chores and with her brother. And, Kory has been a wonderful caretaker and is quick to tell me to sit down, don't do that, etc. I have been anointed and blessed with a wonderful family!

Home and Hurting

I've been out of touch with my bloggy world lately but hopefully I can begin to feel human again. I had my surgery yesterday, and I am home now. Hurting but home. There's the surgical pain and gas pain, but I know it will pass eventually. I had a robotic assisted partial hysterectomy ...it's amazing what medical technology can do. No more adenomyosis...no more pain. The doctor thinks I may also have Celiac's disease based on my other symptoms which means I will have to adopt a gluten free diet if I test positive for this. Hopefully, in the next few weeks, I will have answers and begin to feel better in 2011. In the meantime, I am looking forward to catching up with everyone's blogs!

Pain

People respond to pain in different ways. For Jay-R, the answer was to run. His dad took both him and his sister to the doctor tonight for their flu shots. Dad had his and then sis. When it was Jay-R's turn, Kory told me Jay-R decided the best thing to do, was to run. So, he ran down the hall away from the nurse with the needle. Kory went running after him and had to hold him down. Jay-R was not the least bit interested in getting a flu shot. I think the reaction has to do with a bad experience at the doctor's office shortly after he came home from the Philippines. I don't think he will ever forget the bad experience he had.

For me, my response to pain as been to sit in my recliner all night on my laptop. I have not had a good day-there has been a lot of pain. There are knife like pains that mirror labor pains and a dull, burning sort of pain that hasn't really let up all day. There are dishes that need done and a load of laundry to do but I lack motivation. So, I have been on the computer all night. I have managed to order pretty much the rest of my Christmas presents online so it was not a lost cause. I am looking forward to surgery next month. I know that sounds a little strange, but I long to be pain free. I try to keep it in perspective...I know there are others hurting so much more both physically and emotionally, but it's hard to look beyond your own pain sometimes when you are dealing with it day after day. I feel for those who live with pain and deal with it daily. At least I know there is light at the end of the tunnel for me.

"Mommy, how much did I cost?"

This was the question that was asked of me the other day while at lunch. Totally caught me off guard...no idea where that one came from. I laughed and told him a whole bunch, but he was worth every penny. I told him he didn't actually cost money but the adoption did, just like paying the hospital when a baby is born. He has been asking more here and there about his adoption. It's amazing how their little minds work.

Happy Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving, I have much to be thankful for...

* my family
* my awesome kids
* our wonderful exchange student daughter Leigh-Anne who is staying with us for the school year
* our jobs
* our wonderful small town community
* finally having answers to the reason behind my pain and knowing a solution is in the near future


Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! Enjoy the good eats, the football, family, fellowship, and shopping!!!

Bittersweet Acceptance: Finally Some Answers

Today, I finally received some answers. After being in pain for 5 months and probably longer than that (I have a high threshold of pain and tend to ignore aches and pains as much as I can), I have answers. I have had test after test with doctors trying to figure out the cause of my pain, my nausea, my discomfort, the reason for my weight loss. Over the past few months, I've completely changed the way I eat. Most nights, I have pain, I'm exhausted, and I've been on sabbatical from my Internet social world except for quick catch-up times. But, after my test today, I finally have answers and it all makes sense.

I have endometriosis and adenomyosis. I had adhesions attached to things that didn't belong attached to each other. My fallopian tube is blocked and my uterus is a mess. So, this explains the pain, the nausea, the discomfort, and the infertility we have experienced.

How do I feel about all this? 1) Relieved to finally have answers. I was beginning to think people thought I was crazy. 2) Relieved to know what it is so I know how to treat it. 3) Thankful.... thankful you may wonder? Yes, thankful. I truly believe Romans 8:28 that all things work for the good of those who love God according to His purpose. I have always had a heart toward adoption, but the infertility gave us the direction towards adoption. In 2003, when I cried myself to sleep because I couldn't get pregnant, half-way across the world, my baby boy was born. We can not imagine life without Jay-R. 4) Bittersweet acceptance. The next step is scheduling my hysterectomy. No, Kory and I do not want any more babies, but it is the acceptance that I can never have babies again. I'm okay with this especially knowing in my heart that I want to adopt older children. The irony of this all...to find out in November...National Adoption Month. God's plan is greater than I can imagine and this I can accept with my whole heart.