Today, I finally received some answers. After being in pain for 5 months and probably longer than that (I have a high threshold of pain and tend to ignore aches and pains as much as I can), I have answers. I have had test after test with doctors trying to figure out the cause of my pain, my nausea, my discomfort, the reason for my weight loss. Over the past few months, I've completely changed the way I eat. Most nights, I have pain, I'm exhausted, and I've been on sabbatical from my Internet social world except for quick catch-up times. But, after my test today, I finally have answers and it all makes sense.
I have endometriosis and adenomyosis. I had adhesions attached to things that didn't belong attached to each other. My fallopian tube is blocked and my uterus is a mess. So, this explains the pain, the nausea, the discomfort, and the infertility we have experienced.
How do I feel about all this? 1) Relieved to finally have answers. I was beginning to think people thought I was crazy. 2) Relieved to know what it is so I know how to treat it. 3) Thankful.... thankful you may wonder? Yes, thankful. I truly believe Romans 8:28 that all things work for the good of those who love God according to His purpose. I have always had a heart toward adoption, but the infertility gave us the direction towards adoption. In 2003, when I cried myself to sleep because I couldn't get pregnant, half-way across the world, my baby boy was born. We can not imagine life without Jay-R. 4) Bittersweet acceptance. The next step is scheduling my hysterectomy. No, Kory and I do not want any more babies, but it is the acceptance that I can never have babies again. I'm okay with this especially knowing in my heart that I want to adopt older children. The irony of this all...to find out in November...National Adoption Month. God's plan is greater than I can imagine and this I can accept with my whole heart.
6 comments:
Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad you now know what has been causing you the pain and discomfort. I will most certainly keep you in prayer as you await surgery, and that you will continue to feel as peace. God's plans are certainly greater than ours!
Blessings and hugs!
Deborah
I'm so glad you finally know all the answers and can start working toward the solution. I'm sorry that it is such a big surgery (in many ways), but so happy that you will recover after it. I remember how uncomfortable you were when you were out here, the pain you must have been having. Sorry to hear that you went through all of it, but so happy to hear your wonderful attitude. Good luck, we'll be praying for you.
It must be good to finally have some answers after all this time. I hope that your surgery goes well and my thoughts and prayers are with you. Feel better soon!!
Bittersweet indeed. You have such a healthy perspective on this - grieving, and accepting and then getting excited to know you'll adopt again. Hugs to you.
Thanks for all the support and prayers! A lot of people have hugged me and said sorry. It is a huge thing. I have sad moments but I know everything will be okay. Knowing people care helps a lot.
I'm so happy that you have the assurance that the Lord has a perfect plan for your life - that always allows me to cope better in difficult situations! Praise God that you know what is wrong and can move forward. Praise God that you have a heart for adoption! It is such a wonderful gift from God!
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