My philosophy on parenting has always been that you have to let go a little every day. From the moment they are born or adopted, you begin to let go each day as they grow into their own person. That's the way it is supposed to be and I have always believed this and tried to live this out and allow my daughter to experience things on her own. My parents allowed me so many wonderful experiences such as sending me off to camp which I'm sure was hard on them but these things really helped me grow as a person. With Jay-R, things should be no different, right? It does seem different, though, in a way. With Jay-R, he already has 5 years of his life he has lived that we weren't able to be a part of. I know these 5 years have helped shape him into the little boy we love which leads me to this...
I cried when I took Jay-R to daycare today. I was fine last week, he was fine last week. Today, though, his regular teacher was on vacation which was fine because he knows the sub teacher for the week. But...when I dropped him off, his sub teacher wasn't on duty yet so he didn't know the teachers in the room and he was in a different room. He didn't cry but he clung to my leg like glue. When I took him down to hang up his bookbag and talk to him for a few minutes to reassure him, I encountered another staff person. My conversation with her really affected me. There was truth to what she said, but it was the way she said it that tugged at my heart. She took him to the window to wave at me. As he was waving, I fought back tears walking to my car. Of course, as I thought about the situation all day, he was fine at school and ended up having a great day and I had a great day at work. He's been through so many changes and he'll experience more, and of course he was safe and secure at his daycare but I felt bad this morning when I dropped him off. I know it was harder on me than him, though.
It just tugged at my heart. The whole working mother vs. stay-at-home mother thing is complicated. I've been at both ends of the spectrum and in the middle. Both sides have their pros and cons. In Jay-R's case, since I started work again, he's been more whiny and listening less. We're trying to keep our nights not so hectic. Today's experience reminded me of when we dropped our daughter off at kindergarten the first day. I remember after a few minutes, she said, "I'm fine. You guys can leave." Tugged at my heart. All part of letting go....
2 comments:
That's got to be so hard to let go because you just got to start holding on to him. I took the next year off and I plan on being in the school the entire time Shella May is in kindergarten class, partially because it is such a drive back and forth. I know that we need to let go, but it is so hard sometimes.
How funny. A friend of mine last night just reminded me that my goal is to be out of a job by the time Eze's 18. (kind of, you know what I mean) This letting go thing is really hard. I feel for you very much, Tammy. I'm sorry it was a rough day dropping him off yesterday. Your plan to keep your weeknights calm and not overloaded is a great plan. I hope it gives you a good amount of time to regroup and reconnect.
Post a Comment