The American Past Time

I know I said I was taking a break but Ashleigh is busy writing in her Vet Science 4-H book so I thought I would post some pictures I took. Jay-R is playing teeball and he loves baseball. He will even watch it on TV with us. There is nothing more amusing (except maybe kindergarten soccer) than watching teeball. Kids run to the wrong base, run into each other...it's just too cute!

And for my little blurb on baseball...go Chicago Cubs!

Cultural Connections

I thought I would share the things we are trying to do to help keep Jay-R connected to his culture. I have a Filipino co-worker and there are other Filipino people in my community. Everyone is so busy (us included) that it is hard to get together, though. We have made connections with an exchange student as well. When Jay-R first came home, they conversed in Tagalog. The next time she came over, he understood the Tagalog but answered in English. He did sing with her in Tagalog. She, along with the Exchange student coordinator, will be visiting Jay-R's orphanage this July. We are sending along clothes, toys, and pictures of Jay-R. He also picked out a gift for his best friend along with some toys for the boys in his dormitory. We are hoping there will be an exchange student in our area this next school year and we hope to host a student in a few years.

We are excited for this weekend. We are attending a Filipino cultural day in Kokomo Indiana called Camp Mahubay. It is designed for families who have adopted children from the Philippines. There will be dress, food, dance, and other activities centered on the Philippines. We are also excited about meeting other families who have adopted from the Philippines as we don't know anyone locally. We are also looking forward to watching Jay-R interact with other children from the Philippines.

Since Jay-R is five, he will always have memories of the Philippines. As he gets older, they may be hazy but he will always have some memories of White Cross and the children there. At age five, we're not sure how he views himself. Kids are kids and we think he doesn't view himself any differently than anyone else. We want to create a sense of culture for him that blends with his sense of belonging here.

I will post pictures of our weekend and share our experiences. I'm going to take this week off from blogging. Ashleigh needs some Mommy time so she gets my undivided attention after Jay-R goes to bed. She needs some help on her 4-H projects....I warned her about taking 3 projects!

Letting go...

My philosophy on parenting has always been that you have to let go a little every day. From the moment they are born or adopted, you begin to let go each day as they grow into their own person. That's the way it is supposed to be and I have always believed this and tried to live this out and allow my daughter to experience things on her own. My parents allowed me so many wonderful experiences such as sending me off to camp which I'm sure was hard on them but these things really helped me grow as a person. With Jay-R, things should be no different, right? It does seem different, though, in a way. With Jay-R, he already has 5 years of his life he has lived that we weren't able to be a part of. I know these 5 years have helped shape him into the little boy we love which leads me to this...

I cried when I took Jay-R to daycare today. I was fine last week, he was fine last week. Today, though, his regular teacher was on vacation which was fine because he knows the sub teacher for the week. But...when I dropped him off, his sub teacher wasn't on duty yet so he didn't know the teachers in the room and he was in a different room. He didn't cry but he clung to my leg like glue. When I took him down to hang up his bookbag and talk to him for a few minutes to reassure him, I encountered another staff person. My conversation with her really affected me. There was truth to what she said, but it was the way she said it that tugged at my heart. She took him to the window to wave at me. As he was waving, I fought back tears walking to my car. Of course, as I thought about the situation all day, he was fine at school and ended up having a great day and I had a great day at work. He's been through so many changes and he'll experience more, and of course he was safe and secure at his daycare but I felt bad this morning when I dropped him off. I know it was harder on me than him, though.

It just tugged at my heart. The whole working mother vs. stay-at-home mother thing is complicated. I've been at both ends of the spectrum and in the middle. Both sides have their pros and cons. In Jay-R's case, since I started work again, he's been more whiny and listening less. We're trying to keep our nights not so hectic. Today's experience reminded me of when we dropped our daughter off at kindergarten the first day. I remember after a few minutes, she said, "I'm fine. You guys can leave." Tugged at my heart. All part of letting go....

The Camping pictures I promised and post work thoughts...

Camping was a lot of fun and relaxing. We camp in a pop-up. We gave up tent camping a few years back. The frustration of shoving the tent back into the little bag along with our popped air mattress thanks to rocks under the tent were the last straw! We are looking forward to our camping vacation this summer at a state park. Jay-R loved that he could get dirty while camping and of course, he loved the S'mores. Next time he eats them when we are camping, he won't have to deal with the after effects of sugar and 15 cavities. (He is so cooperative with dental care now!)

On another note, my transition back to work is going okay. He had 2 great days at school and a fun day with my parents. We experienced our first issue of racial prejudice, though. Ashleigh was crawling in the tunnels at the McDonald's playplace with Jay-R and her cousin E when a young boy she guessed to be 6 pushed Jay-R out of the way and said, "Move it black boy." Ashleigh said she looked at that boy and said, "You better be quiet." He didn't say another word, she said. No one better mess with her brother! I'm doing okay with the transition. It feels good to be back to work doing the job I love. I shared my Philippines trip with the residents Friday. I really do love working in long term care. It's hard not having as much time with my children but Jay-R understands that Mommy and Daddy always come back for him. Being with other family members is allowing him a chance to grow closer to other family. Being at school is helping with his independence, social skills, academic skills, and preparing him for that transition to kindergarten in the fall. I've been praying a lot and I know God is helping us all with this adjustment. Jay-R prayed for all his family members tonight and told me he loves his big family. I was so worried he would be mad at me or go back into meltdown modes when I went back to work. We haven't experienced any of that and I am so thankful for that!

New Routines...

I'm officially back to work! I was treated to doughnuts, hugs, smiles, and a decorated office. It was great to see everyone again. I really missed the residents and was very touched by their welcoming words. I felt like I was home again. If you have ever worked in long term care, you understand the sense of family and community that exists. I didn't realize how much I missed everyone until I was there today. So, yes it is good to be back. I spent most of my morning feeling disoriented, unsure what to do, or where to start. I'm used to doing 10 things at once but I've been a little out of the loop having not been there for 3 months! By the afternoon, I was starting to feel a like more comfortable. I know it will take a few days to fall into my old routine.

Jay-R did wonderful at school today...no tears and he even took a good nap. I think the reassuring last night really helped him. He really seemed to understand this morning that Mommy was coming back for him after work. So, he had a great day and we had a great night. We didn't make it to church tonight. I didn't want to overwhelm him with too much in one day and I am so tired...not used to working 8 hours! So, we spent a night at home. He helped me with dishes and Ashleigh helped with cooking. It was good quality time with my children and things that needed to get done were getting done. Ashleigh is officially done with school as of today so she now looks ahead to working on 4-H projects.

Well, I need to get to bed soon. I'm having to get up around 5 am to get everything done and manage to get to work on time!

Back to Work

Tomorrow is my first day back to work after my 3 month leave. Today was kind of a strange day. Jay-R is not happy about me going back to work and I have had to pay for it all day. He has been excessively whiny...so unlike him. The littlest thing has resulted in him being upset and whiny. We did make it to see the movie Up. Tuesdays are bargain days and free popcorn at our local cinema. It was his first trip to the movie theater. He didn't like the darkness and then he got scared at one particular scene and wanted to leave but I convinced him to stay. He watched the entire movie on my lap. He giggled along to the funny parts and when we left he said, "I like the big movie screen." After the movie was over, we enoyed a short walk to the park and then Ash came home. They played together for awhile before the meltdowns began. Shortly before Kory came home from work, Jay-R went into meltdown mode....nothing like when we first came home from the Philippines but nonetheless, a meltdown. I asked him a bunch of questions and he would not tell me what was wrong. He fell asleep at 5:20 so we let him sleep while we ate. After dinner, I took him outside in the sunlight to wake him up. There was no way I was going to let him sleep all night...he'd be up at 4 am. He sat in his chair with his dinner for the longest time just staring. Finally, I was able to get him to eat and then he kind of snapped out of his mood. He went to his teeball game and had a great time. He was able to eat a snack cake after the game with no pain...yeh! Now, he is in bed although not sleeping. He told me a few minutes ago, "I want to go to Mommy's work." During prayer time, he prayed for his day at school and Mommy back at work. We've been talking about this for the past few weeks and a lot today. We'll see how this transition goes. I'll miss being home with him but in a way, I'm looking forward to returning to work. I love my job and miss my residents and many of my co-workers. And, my job is a great outlet for creative energy. I think now is a good time for me to go back. Daycare will be good for Jay-R to help him prepare for kindergarten. We used an in-home babysitter for Ashleigh which was great for her. (Chris if you're reading this....we love you!) We both feel strongly that the daycare setting provides Jay-R with the structure he was used to at White Cross and the structure he needs to help prepare him for kindergarten.

This is another transition in yet so many our family and Jay-R has gone through these past three months...we'll get through it. I'm a little nervous about how I'm going to get everything done with the addition of 40 hours of work but at least the dental issues are behind us. As a working mother, I know the importance of keeping my own identity and taking care of myself. It's a little overwhelming thinking how am I going to work full-time, keep up the house, pay the bills, make dinner, take the kids where they need to go which now involves teeball and 4-H, get enough sleep, keep up daily devotional readings (I really need to work on this since coming home from the Philippines!), exercise, make it to a band practice sometime, and find time to work on my writing. I am going to try hard to maintain balance. I know I need to take care of myself so I can take care of my kids.

The trials will make us stronger! Tonight, Jay-R told us that he didn't want to go back to White Cross. We reassured him that he was staying with us. He told us all one by one that he loved us and that he wanted to stay with us. We love this little boy who completes our family so much!

Alright, it's to bed for me. I can't push that snooze button 20 times tomorrow morning!

Post Surgery Smiles

Our little man is such a trooper. We all arose early this morning and ventured toward the hospital 45 minutes away. Our pediatric dentist had strongly suggested we have all the work done in the hospital so it could all be done at once and Jay-R could be put under. We thought this to be a much better option than mutiple trips to the dentist. So anyway, once there, we waited about 20 minutes before going upstairs to the pre-op room. Jay-R changed into scrubs and the hospital socks with the grippies on the bottom. He looked so cute. We had thought about taking a camera but wasn't sure what to expect. Kory snapped a photo on his cell phone, though, to show Ashleigh. The hospital gave Jay-R a balloon and he played with it until it was time to go back. As they wheeled my little baby away on that hospital bed, my heart ached. He looked back at us but the nurses along with us reassured him that he was okay. He got to push the button to open the door so that was cool to him.

This was 8:45 am. Kory and I prepared ourselves for a couple of hours of waiting. After some chatting, some reading, some drinking coffee and Mountain Dew, and some people watching in a very busy waiting room, our names were called. The dentist/oral surgeon came out and told us everything went fine. Jay-R cried a little when they first took him back. They were unable to insert the tube in his nose and he experienced some nose bleeding so they inserted the tube in his throat. Poor little guy. This of course was after he was already out. They had placed a mask on his face to make him fall asleep, then inserted the IV. The dentist had to remove his two front teeth, do 13 dental restorations, and a root canal. He said it was no wonder Jay-R was in pain, the tooth that required the pediatric root canal was deep in the nerve. Jay-R has been complaining of headahces on an almost daily basis so we are thinking the head pain was a direct link to the tooth pain. Kory then called our families-I was too nervous to talk to anyone until I saw my baby. About 20 minutes later, we were allowed to go the recovery room. I wanted to cry when I saw him. He was totally groggy and looked so small and vulnerable. The nurse helped me with his tubes so I could hold him in my arms. His eyes fluttered a little when we said his name, but he would not wake up. He refused drink and popsicle which they said is common. All his vitals were stable so we chatted with the nurses for a short while before changing him back into his clothes. He started waking up and we were able to leave.

We had the surgery done at St. Vincent's and I have to say that the staff were all excellent, kind, considerate, compassionate, and very thorough in their explanations. I want to send a letter of thanks to the hospital for our very positive experience. I work in healthcare and we always appreciate kind words. Everyone was so good to him and were very interested in our adoption experiences. It was such a positive experience. Oh, and they valet park your car when you are having surgery-that was nice especially since it was raining and cold when we left.

Before we even left the parking lot, Jay-R drank some grape juice they had sent with us. He let me feed him the jello cup we had brought him. We stopped at a McDonald's and he ate some plain ice cream. He hadn't eaten since 9:30 the night before, so he was hungry. He fell asleep on the way home. Once home, he mostly watched TV but he ate a lot tonight. We were told to limit him to soft foods so he ate more jello, popsicles, peanut butter, eggs, noodles, and a cupcake that Ashleigh's friend had given him-thanks O...he loved it! He also downed 2 glasses of chocolate milk. Today, anything except for no pop or OJ (dr orders) was allowed. Tomorrow, it's back to limiting sugar. Even though our dentist told us that Jay-R is now no more likely to get cavities than the next kid, we want to be careful just like we are with Ash. His teeth are now shiny white and he has silver caps on all four back teeth. He took a little Ibuprofen for pain at 4 but tonight he just told me he didn't need medicine, "I'm okay." He prayed and thanked God that his teeth were all better.

We are so excited that he will finally get to experience life without daily pain. Anyone who has ever had a toothache knows the pain that comes from mouth pain. Imagine living day to day with 15 cavities. Our heart aches to know there are many children in the orphanages with the same dental issues as Jay-R. Anyone adopting a child from the Philippines old enough to have a decent number of teeth, please take them to the dentist soon after you return home from the Philippines!

Oh, and we couldn't resist....we're already working with him on the lyrics to the song, "All I Want for Christmas is my two front teeth!" He thinks it's funny!