Adoption thoughts from Jay-R's mind...

Little glimpses into Jay-R's mind...

Kory and I talk occasionally about wanting to return to the Philippines to visit. There are things we didn't have time to do when we visited and places we want to see yet. Also, we have met friends that we miss and want to visit with again. We want to wait until Jay-R is a little older so he can understand and appreciate his roots.

The other night, we mentioned something about the Philippines when we were driving in the car.
Jay-R says, "I don't want to go back to the Philippines. I don't want to go to White Cross."
To which, we both reassured him that it would just be for a visit and that we would be with him.
He says, "They will think I am bad if I come back."
Of course we reassured him that we would only stay for the day and we would be with him the entire time. We reminded him about our friend who visited White Cross last summer and brought gifts for his friends, and how happy they were to see pictures of him with his family in America.

It makes us wonder what goes on in his little mind, what he has experienced, what he has witnessed...maybe a child did come back because of an adoption that didn't work out.

We know he is completely at home here. There just must be something in his mind that elicits insecurity when he hears mention of a return visit to the Philippines. Makes me want to hug him tight, kiss his cheek, and tell him over and over we love him.

And yet another glimpse into his mind...

Tonight at dinner, he said, "Mommy, I wish I was born in your belly."
To which I said, "Jay-R you might not have been born in my belly, but you were born in my heart. Who gave you to me?"
Jay-R: "Jesus."
Mommy: "Yes, Jay-R. Jesus gave Ate to us in my belly, and you to us in my heart. But, the important thing is that Jesus gave you both to us in His way."
Then, we looked at his school yearbook and pointed out other boys and girls at his school who had also been born in their mommies' hearts. This seemed to satisfy him.

I pray a lot that God will give us the words when he asks questions like that. We talk openly about his adoption and his birth mother. We really want him to have a strong sense of identity. And God really did give us Jay-R in my heart. 2003, the year Jay-R was born, was the year we decided we were ready for another child, the year I shed many tears because of a dream that seemed like it would never come true. Little did we know that God was fulfilling our dream half-way around the world.

We have been insanely busy with work schedules, soccer, church, and just random things. I have some cute pictures I'll try to post soon. He is growing!!!